My Word's Worth: a weekly column by Marylaine Block

vol. 3 #16, October 17, 1997

WHILE YOU'VE GOT IT, FLAUNT IT

From the point of ignition
to the final drive
the point of the journey
is not to arrive
anything can happen
"Prime Mover." Rush

I'm not easily offended, but I saw something on TV that horrified me with its stupidity, an ad for the upcoming television season which said "Life is short. Watch TV."

WHAT?!! Life is short, so waste it watching Men Behaving Badly? Better to spend it watching real live men behaving badly--they at least will turn around and, when you least expect it, do something funny and endearing.

The proper response to "life is short" is to make sure you notice it while you've got it. I know it's far too easy for me to fall into the trap of the daily to-do list, slogging my way through all the work that has to be done. Did the leaves turn while I wasn't looking? Was it sunny? Were there new baby ducks on the duckpond? Damned if I know, because I never took my eyes off the computer screen for more than a minute. When the white rabbit in me takes over (I'm late, I'm late, for a very important date), getting something done becomes far more important than actually living. As my son tells me, when I'm in full white rabbit mode, I'm awe-inspiringly efficient, but I'm no fun to be around. And I'm not having fun, either, other than the pleasure that comes from accomplishment.

When we get harried and desperate, we need to step back, take a deep breath, and let ourselves feel the NOW. And if we need help understanding now, all we need to do is watch little kids. To them time is infinite. Just try to hurry a toddler up when you need to be somewhere RIGHT NOW, and you will appreciate the meaning of the word, "dawdle." Kids don't see any need to go somewhere, because they already ARE somewhere: HERE, all five senses fully engaged. They don't have to be told to stop and smell the roses, because they're already busy smelling them. And caressing them, and picking apart each petal, and sticking them in their mouths. They next have to see if roses can be inserted in their ears, and then they discover that roses are also good for tickling bellybuttons and toes. And you are hurrying them up so you can take them to the park to play?

Try to hurry toddlers up when they're walking and you will understand the concept "amble" in all its richness. You want to get from point A to point B with maximum efficiency. But that's because you didn't notice that between point A and point B there are spiderwebs, kittens, large empty boxes, and a dirty tennis shoe someone left lying on the grass. All of these need to be explored and commented on.

Having turned into grownups when we weren't looking, we rake the leaves and bag them and drag them to the curb so the lawn will look good and the neighbors won't grumble. I guess that's why my neighbors seemed startled to see me sliding on my butt through the piles of leaves--they think I'm a little old for that. And I think they're a little young to have forgotten that that's what piles of leaves are FOR--and that diving in those piles is one of autumn's greatest pleasures.

Kids don't waste time worrying about yesterday. They don't put now on hold in hope of getting to a more special now later on. Granted they can only afford to do that because their parents DO keep to schedules, and do make plans for the future. And they will need to learn about schedules themselves in time. But parents need just as much to relax a little and learn from their kids how to be present in the right here right now.

Life IS short, and the point of this journey is not to arrive. There are too many things to do and enjoy, and nowhere near enough life to go around. Before I die, I want to:

1. Get to know my grandchildren (which requires the cooperation of my son and some unknown female, and to any females in my audience, I assure you, he's really quite lovable)
2. Get published--I want trees to die in my name (or recycled paper, anyway),
3. Do at least one of the pipe dream things I always said I wanted to do
4. Travel someplace without a schedule or an itinerary
5. Stand up for a principle that matters to me, and make a difference
6. Buy myself something frivolous and expensive just because I've always wanted it (like for instance an elaborate electric train setup)
7. Meet all my e-mail buddies. (I'll meet two of you when I go to California in November, and I couldn't be more excited.)

No doubt your own "Don't die before's" are different. But I bet you do have them. How many of them have you gotten around to doing?

Woody Allen said that he didn't want to be immortal through his work--he wanted to be immortal by not dying. But that's not only not possible, it's not even desirable. Knowing we are temporary forces us to choose what's important and do it. We value the people we love all the more for knowing we can lose them. Knowing our hours are short, we make them longer by savoring them all.

Nobody ever said admiringly at somebody's funeral, "He sure watched TV a lot." Nobody ever said in tones of wonder, "Boy, she sure got a lot of work done." The point of the journey is not to arrive, but to be open to everything that happens along the way. Anything can happen.

NOTE: My thinking is always a work in progress. You could mentally insert all my columns in between these two sentences: "This is something I've been thinking about," and "Does this make any sense to you?" I welcome your thoughts. Please send your comments about these columns to: marylaine at netexpress.net. Since I've written a lot of these, some of them many years ago, help me out by telling me which column you're referring to.

I'll write columns here whenever I really want to share an idea with you and can find time to write them . If you want to be notified when a new one is up, send me an e-mail and include "My Word's Worth" in the subject line.